|'Ere! You kids! Geddahtovit!'|
I was amused by this list of 'tell-tale signs of middle age' in Sunday's paper.
Having checked myself against the criteria I can exclusively reveal my responses, viz....
You think it's about time you bought a nasal hair trimmer.
Sweetheart, I've had one for years
You can't sit down or stand up without making an "effort" noise.
Of course not
You write a letter to your council about rubbish collection.
I've written two!
All your friends start buying dogs.
(Thankfully not living in Yorkshire this doesn't apply)
You become a bystander to the latest trends in denim.
I have always been a bystander to the latest trends in denim
You notice your legs are going bald (men).
You have a colourist (women).
You listen to Radio 1 and don't understand any of it.
I haven't listened to Radio 1 since 1989!
You rely on the kids for IT advice.
Not really, but the eldest is good at PowerPoint
You start flossing.
You wonder if there are cruise holidays not full of senior citizens.
That's a point....
Tanktops, gilets, bodywarmers – sleeveless items of clothing begin to appeal.
No, although I have considered buying a waistcoat. Mind, I was wearing waistcoats at 25.
You know when the Chelsea Flower Show is.
Of course - Mrs H is very keen
You worry about your knees
You don't wear heels in daylight.
The first thing you read in the obituaries column is age of death.
You start getting your wine delivered.
I would, but I'm too poor
You no longer scan the room for beautiful people at a party. You're looking for a seat.
You start each day thinking you should live it like your last. But you don't.
Your ears get bigger.
You know you haven't got a novel in you.
All your favourite TV is on Sunday night.
Is Call The Midwife back soon?
How about you?
What other 'sure-signs' are they missing?
I offer no prize for the best one, but maybe you can reward yourself with a nice hot bath and an early night.
Paul Weller - 'That Dangerous Age' (2012) [sounds like Blur]